For several years now, there have been “gender reveal parties” (ie parties where couples reveal the gender of their future baby) all over social networks. A few days ago, one of them – rightly – aroused the outrage of Internet users. The chance to return to this social phenomenon, which is as uncomfortable as it is sexist and archaic.
A few years ago, parents were happy to find out the sex of their future baby with a traditional echo. The most original of them preferred to keep the surprise in anticipation of the birthday. Even today, some make these choices. But they seem to be in the minority facing the avalanche of a real social phenomenon: gender reveal parties† These parties where the gender of the baby-to-be is revealed to an audience of guests (or not), by means of smoke bombs, confetti or balloons in pink or blue. And we owe all this to a woman: Jenna Karvunidis. In 2008, this American, then pregnant with her first child, organized a party to announce the gender of her baby by cutting a cake filled with pink icing. After describing the event on his blog, his post went viral. Except 14 years later, Jenna Karvunidis herself is starting to wonder if? she wouldn’t have created a monster of society† And we understand.
When the “gender reveal parties” turn into a fiasco
Straight out of the United States – where anything is an excuse to have “parties” throwing a few – the “gender reveal” very quickly won all our western societies. Regardless of the place or the social class, the parents-to-be do not sulk at the idea of organizing these parties of revealing the sex of their baby a few months before his birth. In fact, it has almost become a mandatory passage. The stars are clearly no exception to the rule and even lend themselves to the game with originality.
Because in the age of the omnipotence of social networks, the phenomenon has reached such a magnitude that it is imperative to distinguish yourself from the others. In October 2018, Antoine Griezmann and his wife Erika have therefore chosen to stay in the theme of football to reveal the gender of their youngest. It’s a year later Matt Pokora and Christina Milian who jumped for joy in the middle of a blue cloud for their gender reveal party. Without forgetting the world of reality TV, with French social network star candidates all eager to reveal the baby’s gender by pulling out the heavy guns.
The arrival of a baby is always good news for those looking to start a family. The same cannot be said of a “gender reveal party”. In recent years we have seen more and more derailments in the race for originality, some more serious than others. Sept 2020, a massive fire spread through Northern California† As they left San Bernardino County, the devastating flames killed 25 people, including a firefighter. A tragedy caused by a smoke-generating pyrotechnic device used for… a “gender reveal party”.
Video. Wildfire sparked by baby gender reveal party in California
Not enough to make Jenna Karvunidis proud, despite herself facing the excesses of her own concept: “I feel very different things about this strange contribution to the world of culture,” she lamented in a long Facebook post in 2019. Because besides causing hitherto unsuspected drama, these little parties – let’s say it once and for all – are really problematic.
When sexism is normalized
For Jenna Karvunidis and her husband, this very first “sex feast” in 2008 didn’t have the same symbolism as the next, and came as a glimmer of hope after several miscarriages. “I did it because we didn’t live in 2019 and we didn’t know what we know now – the fact that assigning a gender at birth robs children of their potential and certain talents that have nothing to do with what we have between the legs ” she wrote in 2019. And we really want to say to her: THANK YOU for pointing out THE biggest problem of these apparently cute happenings.
On April 14, a user posted a video to his Twitter account from yet another gender reveal† We see a pregnant mother, close to her two daughters and her husband. The latter, when pink confetti falls on him, doesn’t even try to hide his annoyance and leaves the place with an annoyed expression. For him, the fact that he has a third girl instead of a boy doesn’t deserve to be celebrated. Not to mention his elders, who are sure to remember this moment when their dear father seemed dejected at the idea of not having a son. Smile, you’ve been filmed. This video, which was widely broadcast on Twitter, quickly aroused the outrage of internet users.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a boy. But the anger that emerges from many of these videos shows a rampant sexism that doesn’t say its name. And it’s even more awkward when you try to pass it off as a normal, even funny response. “We’ve never seen a gender expressing the disappointment of having a son. Never,” another internet user correctly wrote on Twitter. Because, unfortunately, it is not uncommon to come across such scenes on social networks, where fathers-to-be get angry / cry / leave their own party because they just learned that they will have … a daughter. As if it was an accident, a curse. As if in the end it wasn’t worth it anymore to become a father.
Behind these reactions is a series of patriarchal codes. Even before they are born, little girls are stigmatized. Doesn’t that remind you of something? Suddenly we have the impression that we are in a historical series on Netflix where kings and warriors hope their wives will bear boys to “insure their offspring”, and, when they do, tremble at the thought of falling out of favor. with their age group. Today, behind the folklore of “gender reveal parties”, it is this misogynistic fear which repeats itself over and over. And we wish it were just fiction.
Gender stereotypes before birth
The “gender reveal parties” are often accompanied by sentences and hyper stereotypical ideas† A world apart where gender codes persist, in total opposition to sociological progress. It starts of course with the colors: blue for a boy, pink for a girl† And then there are all the decorative paraphernalia, sequins for little girls and footballs for little boys. Even before they are born, parents-to-be project a whole host of stereotypes onto their children. Many hope for the famous “king’s choice”: a boy first, a girl second, so that she is “protected” by her big brother. As if the reverse was unthinkable, impossible.
When Jenna Karvunidis spoke on Facebook in 2019 about the excesses of her own invention, it was also to raise awareness. Now a mother of three, the American explained that her first child, “the world’s first baby to be the subject of a gender reveal party,” was beginning to identify as non-binary. “I’m glad this holiday season brought joy to a few people, but this joy was built on the back of non-binary and transgender people, she wrote. Even if a problem doesn’t affect us personally, we should all have enough humanity to realize that such an act that brings us joy can cause harm to marginalized people.”
Video. “Because you’re non-binary, you feel like you have to justify your own identity. It’s dehumanizing”
It is clear that social networks play an important role in this normalization of sexism and stereotypes, as it now seems impossible to organize a “gender reveal party” without sharing it on the internet. Looking like nothing, these little videos continue to convey archaic messages hidden behind a plethora of artifices and 2.0 codes. Organizing a gender reveal to share this moment of happiness is of course no problem. What is is all that can be hidden behind this revelation, and the outdated ideas that one projects onto one’s baby, even before its birth.
As for those who still deny sexism, even the concept of a patriarchal society: no need for big speeches. You only have to watch one of those videos where the father-to-be breaks down in tears under pink confetti to understand that even today some people think that having a daughter is not good news.
Also read:
† For Demi Lovato, the ‘Gender Reveal Parties’ Are Transphobic
† Yes, sexism is “persistent, systemic and massive” in France
† The inconvenience of “gender reveal parties”, these parties to reveal the sex of the baby-to-be
